Want vs Need

Last night was a painting disaster. Totally frustrating, with nothing to show for my effort. I don’t think I’ve ever been in such a bad mood painting before. I was attempting to paint a series of landscapes, breaking from my abstracts. My theory on why it went so badly is that I felt pressured to paint them. I didn’t really want to paint them. I had no real desire to paint them but I felt pressured by my own crazy brain that I had to produce them to satisfy someone else who I know would like them. I remembered that I HATE doing commissions for this same reason. I’m so much happier just painting what I want, when I want, without deadlines or restrictions. If I wanted deadlines and restrictions then, I would just go design something for an advertising client. I paint because I need to paint, but at the same time I want to paint. When there is a need that doesn’t come from within myself everything goes wrong. Every now and again I forget this very important lesson and I end up with a night something like last night. Let’s go back to my last painting, when I was painting what I want, when I want because really, that’s what I need to do.

Can anyone guess at why I named this painting “Good-bye Barcelona?”

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