When I make art I try to focus on the good and the positive. I think of love and beauty and let that flow when I paint. Being happy and painting go hand in hand for me. I think it comes through in my work. I feel grateful to be able to have the time and space to follow my dreams.
I had a very different experience recently. I was feeling very angry. I had no recourse and had no outlet to release that anger. I didn’t know where to turn with all the strong emotion that was raging inside me. Out of desperation, I decided to paint. I intended to let off steam with no destination in mind.
The result frightened me. It was as if someone else had come into my studio and used my supplies and created a very scary painting. I couldn’t look at it when it was done. It made me uncomfortable that such a thing could come out of me. I was prepared to gesso over it and my husband stopped me and said no, it was genuine emotion which made it a wonderful piece.
There is something pure about it. But it’s not something I could produce on a regular basis since the state of mind that is required is not exactly where I want to be for any length of time. My conclusion is that good art sometimes makes us want to look away. It touches on something dark within that we don’t want to look at. I know I didn’t want to look at it. But that release was exactly what I needed. It’s on the canvas now and no longer tormenting my soul as it did on that night before I painted it.